http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YteXsPt6sM
Nina Simone, siirler ve romantik cagrisimlar, bunlari bir kenara birakmali insan akillica bir is yapmasi gerekiyorsa...
Sometimes you love a person with all his anxieties and neurosis
And you dedicate things to him knowing that it might be endless
Sometimes you love so much you do not think about what you really want
And maybe that is the time that you should stop
but stopping is not possible for a heart which knows how to tear itself apart
and so like a self-suicidal it will explode in and out and there will be only blood
blood on the floor, on the roof, on the walls and it is the blood of the one
that knows nothing else but to tear herself apart
that does not know anymore what she really wants
Biraz canim sikildigi zaman boyle seyler yaziyorum. Elbette cok da ic acici siirler degil bunlar. Ama yine de beynim dusunmeyi durduramadiginda ben yazarim, cunku o dusunceleri kagida dokmekten baska bir care kalmamistir artik. 30 yasima geldigim zaman bir blog yazmam gerektigine karar verdim. Cok guzel seyler oldu hayatimda. Cok sacma ve aci seyler de oldu. Herkesin hayati gibi. Hep huzursuzdum, hep kendimle kavgaliydim ve hep her seyi zor kabullenirdim. Elestirirdim ama elestirdigim kisiye de icten ice hak vermeye ve acimaya devam ederdim. Bu ikilem tum ergenligim ve hatta 20'li yaslarimda bile devam etti.
How can I forget
Her name is Ayse
She is my mother
A woman who has the nose of a Greek statute
And a woman who cried for her patients
How can I forget her brown and kind eyes
Her delicate way of speaking Turkish
and the way she read a book in the night lamp before she went to bed
sometimes I would want her to say I love you, my girl, good night to me
she would have just said turn off my light
but I knew she loved me a lot from the heart
she loved me so much that she was the only one
who wanted me to be born into this world
saying `world is large, there is space for her too`
and to be grateful to the one who gives you life
you do not need much to think
need to have the heart and courage to say
mom, I neglected you
I hope you had forgiven me
You made fun of my nice ways
and you have encouraged me to read and to write perfectly
you have been ambitious on what I could have become
threatened me to marry and stay in Kayseri
if I do not work hard for getting the university
sometimes you said I was naive to the level of stupidity
which was really hurting me
you were furious when you saw that religious book
in my hands
when I felt the truth would be revealed to me if I had read it
and the words are magical
thanks to you mom
I read the red covered classicals in our house
that are the treasures of my youth and even now my only consolation regarding the tough winters of those days
mom, I miss you more and more with each passing day and
I see your eyes and cheekbones wherever I go
and carry the pain in me that I will never be like you
At the age of 30, you had two kids and you were working so hard as a doctor
that you had no time for anything other than these two occupations
still, you believed in yourself and showed the courage to work many more years
till the day you could not get to work as cancer surrounded your body and mind
and you were hopeful till the last day that you would be saved
till the last day, you walked talked drank coffee and cigarettes
I wish that there was a way to talk to you in my dreams every day
the last time you talked to me for a long time was when my cat Rotonda died
you gave me the news and you told me not to worry
and we were in our old house
in which in one of the rooms that I used to sleep
I had a tremendous fear for two-three days after burying you
I had an incredible fear and darkness in my soul
as much as the one I had when I saw that they were putting those tubes in your nose
and you were rejecting that even, with your body language
my beautiful mother
did I see you on the stone where they wash you or was it a dream?
or I hugged my uncle and he pushed me a bit away
did he know that he would die too? 9 months after you
so many mysteries
my dear mom if you had lived
would not have fallen for the ghosts, bad men and bad deeds
if you had lived
would have been healthier in mind and physics
I am sure that if you had lived
would have been happier
no need to lie in a life that is so cruel and short to us
To live in a way of thinking about what you would want me to do
is very tiring but I try my best
I try to keep strong and beautiful
and wear 2-3cm high heeled shoes as you told me
I am the most beautiful when I do that
Very hard my beautiful mom
to be a good woman to everyone
including to the people that you love so much
so hard to do something for the society you live in and that you have left behind
so I have one big wish and one big dream that keeps me awake and aware
that I follow slowly and securely till it is realized
you will see it when it comes around
a beautiful glass building full of books and visual knowledge as well
named after you
the biggest library in Kayseri
which has the best books inside about everything
where the youth comes and finds everything they need to learn about the world
on the route of the silk road
the grandeur that the city once had before we had ruined it with tall buildings and rants
my dream is to name it after you
and I shall not die before I realize this dream
and so many other dreams as well
to name my daughter after you
and to write a storybook that tells the deepest thoughts and feelings of being a human being on this troublesome earth
so weird mom
so awkward so many times I find myself
repeating your words to myself
everyday living with them in my brain and trying to be someone
and the struggle continues every time I wake up
Every day I think of you
and every day I am closer to you
sah
Nina Simone, siirler ve romantik cagrisimlar, bunlari bir kenara birakmali insan akillica bir is yapmasi gerekiyorsa...
Sometimes you love a person with all his anxieties and neurosis
And you dedicate things to him knowing that it might be endless
Sometimes you love so much you do not think about what you really want
And maybe that is the time that you should stop
but stopping is not possible for a heart which knows how to tear itself apart
and so like a self-suicidal it will explode in and out and there will be only blood
blood on the floor, on the roof, on the walls and it is the blood of the one
that knows nothing else but to tear herself apart
that does not know anymore what she really wants
Biraz canim sikildigi zaman boyle seyler yaziyorum. Elbette cok da ic acici siirler degil bunlar. Ama yine de beynim dusunmeyi durduramadiginda ben yazarim, cunku o dusunceleri kagida dokmekten baska bir care kalmamistir artik. 30 yasima geldigim zaman bir blog yazmam gerektigine karar verdim. Cok guzel seyler oldu hayatimda. Cok sacma ve aci seyler de oldu. Herkesin hayati gibi. Hep huzursuzdum, hep kendimle kavgaliydim ve hep her seyi zor kabullenirdim. Elestirirdim ama elestirdigim kisiye de icten ice hak vermeye ve acimaya devam ederdim. Bu ikilem tum ergenligim ve hatta 20'li yaslarimda bile devam etti.
How can I forget
Her name is Ayse
She is my mother
A woman who has the nose of a Greek statute
And a woman who cried for her patients
How can I forget her brown and kind eyes
Her delicate way of speaking Turkish
and the way she read a book in the night lamp before she went to bed
sometimes I would want her to say I love you, my girl, good night to me
she would have just said turn off my light
but I knew she loved me a lot from the heart
she loved me so much that she was the only one
who wanted me to be born into this world
saying `world is large, there is space for her too`
and to be grateful to the one who gives you life
you do not need much to think
need to have the heart and courage to say
mom, I neglected you
I hope you had forgiven me
You made fun of my nice ways
and you have encouraged me to read and to write perfectly
you have been ambitious on what I could have become
threatened me to marry and stay in Kayseri
if I do not work hard for getting the university
sometimes you said I was naive to the level of stupidity
which was really hurting me
you were furious when you saw that religious book
in my hands
when I felt the truth would be revealed to me if I had read it
and the words are magical
thanks to you mom
I read the red covered classicals in our house
that are the treasures of my youth and even now my only consolation regarding the tough winters of those days
mom, I miss you more and more with each passing day and
I see your eyes and cheekbones wherever I go
and carry the pain in me that I will never be like you
At the age of 30, you had two kids and you were working so hard as a doctor
that you had no time for anything other than these two occupations
still, you believed in yourself and showed the courage to work many more years
till the day you could not get to work as cancer surrounded your body and mind
and you were hopeful till the last day that you would be saved
till the last day, you walked talked drank coffee and cigarettes
I wish that there was a way to talk to you in my dreams every day
the last time you talked to me for a long time was when my cat Rotonda died
you gave me the news and you told me not to worry
and we were in our old house
in which in one of the rooms that I used to sleep
I had a tremendous fear for two-three days after burying you
I had an incredible fear and darkness in my soul
as much as the one I had when I saw that they were putting those tubes in your nose
and you were rejecting that even, with your body language
my beautiful mother
did I see you on the stone where they wash you or was it a dream?
or I hugged my uncle and he pushed me a bit away
did he know that he would die too? 9 months after you
so many mysteries
my dear mom if you had lived
would not have fallen for the ghosts, bad men and bad deeds
if you had lived
would have been healthier in mind and physics
I am sure that if you had lived
would have been happier
no need to lie in a life that is so cruel and short to us
To live in a way of thinking about what you would want me to do
is very tiring but I try my best
I try to keep strong and beautiful
and wear 2-3cm high heeled shoes as you told me
I am the most beautiful when I do that
Very hard my beautiful mom
to be a good woman to everyone
including to the people that you love so much
so hard to do something for the society you live in and that you have left behind
so I have one big wish and one big dream that keeps me awake and aware
that I follow slowly and securely till it is realized
you will see it when it comes around
a beautiful glass building full of books and visual knowledge as well
named after you
the biggest library in Kayseri
which has the best books inside about everything
where the youth comes and finds everything they need to learn about the world
on the route of the silk road
the grandeur that the city once had before we had ruined it with tall buildings and rants
my dream is to name it after you
and I shall not die before I realize this dream
and so many other dreams as well
to name my daughter after you
and to write a storybook that tells the deepest thoughts and feelings of being a human being on this troublesome earth
so weird mom
so awkward so many times I find myself
repeating your words to myself
everyday living with them in my brain and trying to be someone
and the struggle continues every time I wake up
Every day I think of you
and every day I am closer to you
sah
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