Red Wedding Gown

yesterday I cried for my mom  I wanted her to come but she did not come  we ate mercimek çorbası and discussed Turkey for a while  then I thought about painting my mother  but it was only to suffer  had three glasses of wine  when I had my fourth glass  I fell apart and was drowning in my own tears I cried cause I have not known what I have become in these years  as he consoled me  it was not enough to hold and caress me  I thought about death and there was a dark feeling inside  as if a spirit was inside me  this spirit gave me fear  and without knowing what it was  all of a sudden disappears but I had asked him to hold my hand  and he was sleeping  felt alone but no remedies life had hit us hard  ten years without my mom  I thought it would feel better as time goes by  in fact, I feel it deeper and deeper in my heart  and in the depths of my soul  it is not anymore  her or image of her  it is this great emptiness  th