Ölümlerden Ölüm Beğen - Choose the Death you like the most

yesterday I cried for my mom 

I wanted her to come but she did not come 

we ate mercimek çorbası and discussed Turkey for a while 

then I thought about painting my mother 

but it was only to suffer 

had three glasses of wine 

when I had my fourth glass 

I fell apart and was drowning in my own tears

I cried cause I have not known

what I have become in these years 

as he consoled me 

it was not enough to hold and caress me 

I thought about death and there was a dark feeling inside 

as if a spirit was inside me 

this spirit gave me fear 

and without knowing what it was 

all of a sudden disappears

but I had asked him to hold my hand 

and he was sleeping 
felt alone but no remedies

life had hit us hard 

ten years without my mom 

I thought it would feel better as time goes by 

in fact, I feel it deeper and deeper in my heart 

and in the depths of my soul 

it is not anymore 

her or image of her 

it is this great emptiness 

that grows cold and old 

that grows dark and mould 

I know I don't sound right now 

but I wished just once to talk to her 

and to know if she was happy with me or not 

I hear her saying 

It is your life 

all you do is yours 

but without you mom 

I am lost…