Tired of being temporary

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We are all temporary, not only in our jobs, marriages, lovers, friendships but also on this world. For sure the duration of temporariness changes. I can hear that you are saying that you are not temporary that you will leave behind things that are so extraordinary that their effects will last forever, which is for sure very likely. But it is not enough to prove that we are eternal.

More in the jobs, thanks to mobilities, we have become more and more temporary. The companies are offering internships, it is almost a privilege to work for them for free for three months and then we can add it to our CV. Then the postdoc positions are temporary that last from 4 months to 4 years, there are ones that last even more, but the places of postdoc and research are temporary. Our scholarships, salaries, everything is temporary. If you have money you can invest in private stuff: private pension, private health insurance, cause what is permanent in that case might not be good enough or you don’t even have a right to the permanent scheme at first place. The military service is temporary and the marriage(s) are temporary changing from culture to culture. Hollywood stars get married and get divorced all the time. A typical American family will have temporary families and many children. Mick Jagger for instance has many children from many (temporary) women as well as Clint Eastwood. The more famous you are interestingly you will be more permanent and the others will be more temporary for you. 

You move from people to people in your life and from places to places. All this movement and mobility is good from many aspects. However, I have to admit that it is all too tiring for me. I would like to be non-mobile and non-temporary for a while at least if possible. I had enough of it.

Nothing lasts forever for sure. And who wants to live forever? Just that, during the time I live, maybe better not to travel too much, at least out of pleasure traveling is quite nice… and if it is necessary for work and if it is for conferences that I really want to attend to, yes, but constantly proving oneself and constantly being temporary is definitely unbearable. Perpetual Peace was written by Kant who never moved out of his town and who followed certain rituals.

Sometimes we have to use fantasy to create, we do not have to travel. We need to stay put and concentrate on things… As the Italians say “un po di fantasia”. Since fantasy in Turkish is translated as such: “fantazi” and since we demean people who are a bit of fantazi, and to dress fantazi is like dressing a bit like … sexy, in a way also kind of low brow… the way Italians and Turkish use fantasy demonstrates some of the cultural differences. Fantasy can be about anything imaginative in Italian (ideas, books, thoughts, new things, novelties…) whilst it is limited to sexual stuff and dressing style (and also some type of music that is a bit marginalized) in Turkish. Most of the time I feel that we Turks become quite materialistic because of our culture: we kiss the hands of the elderly, they give us money; we need to pass exams and compete with thousands of people to get into the high school as well as university (and we do need money to prepare or at least to take courses and go to extra schools for preparation); we need to compete to have the best jobs; higher marks and higher salaries are appreciated. We talk about how much people earn, to which house they moved to, which promotion they got. On the other hand, imagination is mocked, we say for people who want to do other things than following the known paths: “the head in the clouds”, “feet not touching the ground”, “unrealistic”, “mad”, “crazy”, or we can even say “lazy” cause their imaginative state is not matching the reality we were told and we were taught. In Italy, imaginative phase is much more free to be honest, there is a healthy individualization and there is a healthier phase where people can do whatever they want to themselves. It does not mean that the family abandons them, on the contrary, the family is super supportive even if you are doing something “wrong” in cultural codes. However, they would not say “don’t become a writer” they would not say “don’t become a designer”. I have not observed it so far at least.

Life is a constant struggle, and you have to fight every time to prove yourself. The pressure is high, although you feel under pressure and you have no time to socialize, some people just take the opportunity and have kids bravely on the way. Which is a great attitude of course, cause otherwise, we will never be secure and fine enough to become parents. On the other hand, the projects are temporary: they last one year, two years maximum five years. The alliances are temporary: today you might be allied but tomorrow you might leave that person behind, if you are happy with that person of course you can collaborate more. You can use and overuse people. Don’t worry, till they are temporary. And till they are gone. Nobody is permanent unless is asked for. Unless that person is good enough (defined by others, society, work ethic, head of the department, politics etc.). Don’t be so cruel to others, if you want to be temporary you should be cruel to yourself as well (travel, rent, learn, health check ups, etc etc etc). However, you for sure cannot eat fish and chips all your life, at some point you need a decent kitchen, and then you can cook healthy food there. Bourgeoisie dreams are ruined by temporariness but there is repeated bourgeoisie-ness in every kind of temporariness. You rent a house, you find a job, then you go there, you meet people, you sign up to the gym, you discover places to shop and go out. You say goodbye. You are temporary. And yet you are still bourgeoisie who would do everything to ameliorate the conditions a bit more. The stayers know that you are temporary, they watch you going and you say that you will send them postcards but when do you find the time. You need to run to the next till you are tired to run.

Under these circumstances I would like to have roots like a tree, if possible.