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Sunday

we slept through the church bells
 

and i thought of ezan
we woke up late

he prepared breakfast
the coffee was with milk
although I prefer Americano recently
i wanted to work and ironed instead
the cat wanted to play
so did we
and we walked to the old books’ bazaar
bought a book on Etruschi
convinced that they were Turkish at some point 


a book of Tanpinar

I did not read the preface which called Kemalism soulless
cause I did not like the idea
and so I started reading directly
the book i bought as a present and am using it myself
 

my cat came to the room
he looked around
he looks like a lion, hamster, rabbit and bear at the same time
sometimes i hold him like a baby
a baby that i never had
 

then i cry 


thinking all the babies i could have
and my mediocre articles written in english
i had a mediocre life for sure
and the only thing i rely on is my watercolour tutorials
hence, i think from time to time
I should have been cleverer and stronger
never possible ever
but always there is colour
and so i dip my brush into colour


we sleep through the church bells 


i think ezan is more personal
i remember notre dame de paris
and medieval mentality
only when you love the men despite their horrible ways of doing things
that is the way to live i say and i have no more  philosophy
i dip my brush and take some yellow which lightens up everything
imitate van gogh when i paint the sun and imitate all others in all other paintings
i am a bad imitation of myself i say
and continue to live…
 

with a glass of wine from toscana
 

i take the dust
out of the photo of my mom
feeling lost and found
feeling like a fruitless tree
i continue to live my life
as days pass by me

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